I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
