the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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