i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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