i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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