I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
