This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
