So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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