My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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