Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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