when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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