I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
