every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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