Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize