I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
