I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
