Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
