Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
