I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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