NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
