nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
