I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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