He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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