If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
