whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
