I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
