He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are two peas in an std pod
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
