I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
