i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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