It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
