Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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