If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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