Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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