Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
