you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
