You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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