Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
