was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
