Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
