The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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