what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
