I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
