people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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