bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
