I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your cock deserves a montage
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
