the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
