we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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