it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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