What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
