I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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