why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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