seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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