she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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