Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize