I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
