Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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