I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
