She is in my trunk
this beer tastes like vomit already
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
