I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
