Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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