make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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