OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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