Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
