I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
