We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
