just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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