i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
