Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
