I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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