he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
