I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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